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Woede en Konflik

Getroud wees loop amper parallel met baklei. Dis tog verstaanbaar, twee word een, twee stelle ideas, gewoontes, en maniere moet ewe skielik hulle weg saam vind.  Dit help nie dat mans en vrouens dag en nag verskil nie. Hoe nou gemaak?

Ons gesels in hierdie week se vlog oor woede en konflik en hoe om dit suksesvol te bemeester in jou huwelik. 

Alle konflik is nie altyd negatief nie, en dis oukei om kwaad te wees, wees net kwaad vir die regte redes.

5 Kommunikasie Geheime

5 Geheime vir Effektiewe Kommunikasie. Ons hoop om deur hierdie vlog jou te help om meer effektief met jou lewensmaat te kommunikeer. Ons is druk besig om die podcast op die been te kry.

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2 Week Challenge – Day 1

Your man needs admiration.

Believe it or not your man needs romance just as much as you do.

Willard Harley, author of His needs, Her needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, notes that one way to affair proof a marriage is for a husband and wife to become aware of each other’s needs and learn to meet them. On the surface that seems obvious, but in reality most couples don’t realise what those needs are.

A Woman’s 5 basic needs in marriage

  • Affection
  • Conversation
  • Honesty and Openness
  • Financial Support
  • Family Commitment

A Man’s 5 basic needs in marriage

  • Sexual Fulfillment
  • Recreational Companionship
  • An Attractive Spouse
  • Domestic Support
  • Admiration

So for us gals affections is key. For the guys, sex is paramount.

Harley explains, when it comes to sex and affection, you can’t have the one without the other. The typical wife doesn’t understand her husband’s deep need for sex any more than the typical husband understands his wife’s deep need for admiration.

Willard Harley, author of His needs, Her needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage,

I have learned that when a wife doesn’t feel cherished, she’s not as interested in having sex with her husband. When a husband doesn’t feel sexually satisfied he doesn’t feel showing affection to his wife. Okey. So we have a problem. Someone has to make the first move. THAT COULD BE YOU!

Jesus said: “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you,”

MATTHEW 7:12

As you start this challenge remind yourself not to give with an ulterior motive of receiving. James warns that even our prayers can go unanswered when we pray with wrong motives (James 4:3)

The golden rule for marriage could be: Express your love to your husband in the same way you want him to express his love to you.

Are you ready?

Day 1 – Your man need admiration

  • Put a chocolate in his briefcase, lunch bag or on the dash of his cas, with a note that says; I love you
  • Write I LOVE YOU on the bathroom mirror with a sticky note or lipstick
  • Together with your love note make sure to kiss him passionately when he leaves for work and when he arrives home.

DAILY PRAYER.

Lord, I pray in Jesus name that you will guide me to be the perfect spouse. Show me how I can improve in loving my husband and showing him what he means to me. Teach me to love unconditionally. Lord if there is anything standing in the way (mentally) that is keeping me from showing my admiration to my husband, show me so that I can deal with it accordingly. Strengthen me to complete this challenge as I romance my husband and fall in love all over again. I honour and glorify you Lord. AMEN.

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Woede en Konflik

Getroud wees loop amper parallel met baklei. Dis tog verstaanbaar, twee word een, twee stelle ideas, gewoontes, en maniere moet ewe skielik hulle weg saam vind. Dit help nie dat mans en vrouens dag en nag verskil nie. Hoe nou gemaak?

Celebration Date Idea!

Can you remember the first few months of your relationship? Those butterflies every time your phone beeped. The fact that you couldn’t wait to see your partner, sparks flying so high, you could probably light up New York City. We often ask ourselves how to get the spark back, or how do we keep theContinue reading “Celebration Date Idea!”

2 Week Challenge – Day 14

Do you know what your man desires more than anything? This may surprise you, but he wants to see you sexually fulfilled. He longs for you to respond to him. He want to know that he is the one that can take you to the moon and back with a crescendo of ecstasy he created.

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2 Week Romance Challenge

Congratulations! You have chosen to be intentional about your marriage. As woman we all wonder what our husbands want, and because they aren’t natural talkers (like we are) chances are, he won’t tell you. BUT he told me. Well, he didn’t tell me but 100’s of men just like him did.

I’m ready to share with you the secrets of keeping the spark going, whether you have been married for 2 month or 10 years, this challenge will change the way you look at your husband and how he looks at you.

One of the dangers of a good marriage is, we take it for granted. We wake-up, get the kids ready for school, pack lunch, get the laundry going, go to work, run errands, come home, fix dinner, do homework, deal with kids, go to bed, just to do it all over again tomorrow. We get caught up in routine, I bet you, you didn’t get married so that you could have a long list of chores. Most likely you got married because you were passionately, sexually and romantically stirred beyond belief. You couldn’t wait to tie the knot and crawl into bed every night with this incredible person God has miraculously brought into your life. Maybe you still feel this way. But maybe you could use a little reminder — a re-stoking of that passion.

That’s where the 2 Week Challenge comes in. We’re going to shake things up a bit, and spice things up a lot. You are about to embark on a journey of romancing your husband… and it’s going to be fun.

In the next 14 days we will be focusing on just ONE aspect of what your man longs for. Snuggled into his desire to be admired is his secret longing to be romanced. YES, your husband longs to be romanced by the woman of his dreams. Each day you’ll read a short capsule of encouragement then you’ll review 2-4 romance challenge ideas. Some or simpler than other, some are more adventurous. You get to pick the challenge that is right for you.

I love locking arms with other woman, so why not invite your girlfriends to embark on the challenge with you. Create WhatsApp groups, and motivate each other. Keep each other accountable. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram to see how I do each challenge

I’d love to pray for you as you take up this challenge to romance your husband. Fill in the form and let me know that you have started. I’ll begin praying for you as you honour God by loving your man well.



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2 Week Challenge – Day 13

Men are like a light switch, by the push a button the are turned on and ready to go. We gals don’t work that way. We are more like a dimmer switch. We start with just a hint of light and then the beam grows as the switch is adjusted.

2 Week Challenge – Day 11

Maybe you have forgotten the thrill you felt when you first met your husband – the butterflies when he walked into a room, the heart-skipping flutter when he called on the phone, the tender wooing when you saw his name in your email in-box, the electricity of sexual desired stirred with a kiss. Between taking out the garbage, paying bills, driving the kids around, and folding the laundry, something got lost.

4 Stappe om mekaar te verstaan

Ons almal het 4 ‘basics needs’ en soos gewoonlik verskil mans en vrouens soos dag en nag. Kom gesels saam en vind uit wat maak jou gelukkig maar meer belangrik, wat maak jou maat gelukkig. 

Jou man her vervulling in die volgende afdelings nodig:

  • Respek
  • Seks
  • Vriendskap
  • Huishoudelike hulp

Jou vrou het vervulling in die volgende afdelings nodig:

  • Sekuriteit
  • Fisiese aanraking-wat nie lui tot seks nie
  • Oop en eerlike kommunikasie
  • Leierskap

2 Week Challenge – Day 10

Now let’s chat a little bit about a woman’s ‘wifely duty.” Oh man, how we hate that phrase, wifely duty. But you are called to be your husbands helper, and that is a fantastic task. (Gen 2:18, 21-22)

2 Week Challenge – Day 9

When a man comes home, his greatest desire is to be recharged so that he can go back and do it all again the next day. What recharges your battery?

2 Week Challenge – Day 8

Sexual fulfillment is climatic in a man’s life – pun intended. If you excel in praying for him, respecting him, adoring him, initiating intimate friendship, safeguarding your marriage, and encouraging him, but neglect sexually fulfilling him, all your efforts will be for naught.

5 Huweliks Mites

Ons almal trou met die idee dat ons huwelik prentjie mooi gaan wees, kom ons wees eerlik jy hou nie altyd van die prentjie wat jy gekies het nie. Ons kyk na 5 huwelik mites en bespreek hoe waar dit werklik is, en wat die Bybel daaroor te sê het.

  • Jy het net een “soul mate”
  • ‘n Huwelik is werk.
  • As jy die regte persoon trou, sal jy altyd gelukkig wees.
  • Welkom by die wêreld van net een sex posisie.
  • Jou skoonouers sal op jou groei.

Spesiale dankie aan E3-life vir laas week se prys, en Rusty Rose wat hierdie week se opwindende prys borg.


2 Week Challenge – Day 5

SEX WAS HIS IDEA! God took great care to make sexual relations between husband and wife pleasurable, desirable, and fulfilling. It is a sinful world that has taken God’s holy design and perverted and exploited it.

5 Kommunikasie Geheime

5 Geheime vir Effektiewe Kommunikasie. Ons hoop om deur hierdie vlog jou te help om meer effektief met jou lewensmaat te kommunikeer. Ons is druk besig om die podcast op die been te kry.

Wat is jou liefdes taal? Toets dit hier


2 Week Challenge – Day 4

What says “love” to one person may not say “love” to another person. What says “romance” to one person my not say “romance” to another person.

2 Week Challenge – Day 3

It is your responsibility to make sure that you are your husband’s number one fan, he needs to know that he will find validation in your words. Don’t make your husband go outside the marriage for approval; he needs the perspective your appreciation gives him.

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Celebration Date Idea!

Can you remember the first few months of your relationship? Those butterflies every time your phone beeped. The fact that you couldn’t wait to see your partner, sparks flying so high, you could probably light up New York City. We often ask ourselves how to get the spark back, or how do we keep the spark going. The answer is simple, what did you do back in the day? YOU DATED! Start dating your spouse.

7 Envelopes to celebrate 7 wonderful years of marriage.

My husband woke me up on Saturday morning with coffee and 7 envelopes to celebrate our 7 years of marriage (yip it was our anniversary weekend). I was completely blown away. You should know, we went through rough waters the last few months and barely made it through, so this anniversary was definitely worth celebrating. And boy did we celebrate! Watch our Instagram highlight to see what we got up to.)

Each envelope was designed to custom a date that we have never had before. Here we go… (Use copy and paste to create your own adventure, make sure to share it with us on Instagram and Facebook. This date is perfect for a surprise weekend or day out of town).

Envelope 1 – Destination

  • Make up a sum using only the number 7. The answer = the letter of the alphabet (A-1 B-2 etc). Say the first town/ city that comes to mind starting with that letter. Tell me…

(7 x 7) -7-7-7-7 divided by 7 = 3! What a sum, 3 was the 3rd letter of the alphabet, C! Although I could name any town starting with a C, somehow Cullinan came to mind. Cullinan is a small town 30 km east of Pretoria, Gauteng, South Africa. It is a small town along the diamond route that is heavily reliant on tourism and the mine that dominates the skyline. The town is named after diamond magnate Sir Thomas Cullinan.

And just like that we were on our way to CULLINAN!

Custom your date

(Before you start your date, make sure what you are celebrating and connect a number to it (we were celebrating our 7th anniversary, so Jp used the number 7)

Make up a sum using only the number ___ (choose your own number). The answer = the letter of the alphabet (A-1 B-2 etc). Say the first town/ city that comes to mind starting with that letter. Tell me…

Envelope 2 – Attraction.

  • Google top attractions in this town. Click on the 10th link (the day we got married), choose option 7. We have to do this.

As we arrived in Cullinun we stopped at the first restaurant we could find to eat breakfast and plan the rest of our day. The next envelope was ATTRACTION, and this would determine what we would do in this small town. Thanks to Google we ended up visiting the McHardy House Museum, Simoné our tour guide took us through every room and educated us not only on the house but on the town as well. We had a blast and off course we had to take some photos. This was the first house to be build in Cullinun, with lots of firsts, like the toilet and telephone. This reminded us to remember our firsts. First date, first kiss, first fight, first “I love you’s”. As I looked at Jp, I saw the same man who asked me to marry him 8 years ago, but this time he was even more handsome.

Custom your date

Google top attractions in this town. Click on the ____ link (choose a number with significance to you), choose option ______ (your celebration number). We have to do this.

Envelope 3 – Accommodation.

  • Drive in a random direction for 7km’s. On Bookings.com, choose the ‘find accommodation around me’ and book room 7 of the 7th option.

After our museum visit we stopped at a local pub and grill and relaxed for a few hours, discussing what we have achieved in the last 7 years as a couple and what we would like to achieve in the years to come. Setting goals together are extremely important it keeps you motivated and accountable as a team.

We got in the car opened envelope 3 and there is was, the word I dreaded most ACCOMMODATION. Jp knows how extremely uptight I am when it comes to hotels and bed and breakfasts. The linen needs to be white and clean, the rooms have to be spacious and I have to feel that it’s an upgrade from my bedroom at home. I hoped that this was the one thing he pre-booked, but he didn’t (how could he, he didn’t know what town we would end up going to). He wanted me to get out of my comfort zone, and because I love him so damn much, I did it. You are welcome to use whatever booking app works best for you. We do all our bookings through bookings.com and we just LOVE the app.

The town was absolutely drenched with people, they had a huge bicycle tournament on Saturday and a big marathon on Sunday, so we could only find accommodation outside Culling. Accommodation – check. It was booked and I was kinda okey with what we got. BUT as we drove through Cullinan we past this quint little hotel Cullinan Premier Hotel, it looked like a scene from a movie (no jokes) and I just had to pop in. Guess what? They could accommodate us for the night, so we cancelled our previous booking and settled in at the hotel. Made our way to the bar and played some pool.

Custom your date

Drive in a random direction for ____km’s (your celebration number). On Bookings.com (or booking app of your choice), choose the ‘find accommodation around me’ and book room ___ of the ___th option (your celebration number).

Envelope 4 – Food.

  • Go to the Zomato app. Select restaurants around me. Go to the 7th restaurant. Have the 7th drink on the drinks menu, and the 7th meal on the food menu.

This was quite the challenge. Cullinan is definitely a ghost town after 7pm but we manage to find this Greek Gem and the food was to die for.

Custom your date

Go to the Tomato app (or the restaurant app of your choice). Select restaurants around me. Go to the ___ restaurant (your celebration number). Have the ___ (your number) drink on the drinks menu, and the ___ (your number) meal on the food menu.

Envelope 5 – for the FUN.

  • Search on YouTube – Best karaoke songs of 2012 (the year we got married). Sing as a duet the 7th song on the list.

After dinner, we got back to the hotel ready to hit the sack. The day was filled with excitement and a lot of firsts, and I have to be honest, we were dead tired. But, we had 2 more envelopes for the day. And I was way to curios to leave them for tomorrow.

We opened envelope 5 and to my surprise, Jp incorporated our favorite thing to do together – KARAOKE. There we were standing on the bed, mics in hand (some would say it was merely water bottles, I would disagree) ready to wow the audience (two towels and a pile of laundry). Yes ladies and gentleman, fun has no age limit.

Custom your date

Search on YouTube- Best karaoke songs of _____ (choose you year). Sing as a duet the 7the song on the list.

Envelope 6 – Bedtime

  • Give your partner 7 reasons why you love them.

This made my day. How often do we go through life without taking time to validate each other. Without stopping to reassure each other of our love. If I haven’t said this before, I’ll say it again – JP Steynvaardt I frikken LOVE you.

Envelope 7 – Game (an extra one)

  • Go to the nearest supermarket and complete the following challenge. Find the following 7 items on the list separately. (Not together, your own opinion). When you have all items, wait at isle 7 and discuss your findings.

1- Your partner’s fav chocolate
2- One item of food of the first meal you ate together.
3- Your partners least fav food
4- An Item your partner can’t live without
5- Deodorant your partner used when you started dating
6- Find items that spells your partners favorite color. 1 item for each letter.
7- Find an item that will forever remind you of him/her.

I have to be honest, we planned to do this little challenge the next day, but we couldn’t get around to it. So this is on our to-do list for next weekend. If I learned anything this weekend it would be that a marriage can only work, if you work it. I am so thankful that I get to experience Christ’s love through my spouse, and although we fight and disagree and at times wonder what the future holds – one thing stands true – if God is evident in your marriage, you will not fail.

May this date idea take your celebration to the next level, may you fall in love all over again.

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  • 4 Stappe om mekaar te verstaan
    Ons almal het 4 ‘basics needs’ en soos gewoonlik verskil mans en vrouens soos dag en nag. Kom gesels saam en vind uit wat maak jou gelukkig maar meer belangrik, wat maak jou maat gelukkig.  Jou man her vervulling in die volgende afdelings nodig: RespekSeksVriendskapHuishoudelike hulp Jou vrou het vervulling in die volgende afdelings nodig:Continue reading “4 Stappe om mekaar te verstaan”
  • 5 Huweliks Mites
    Ons almal trou met die idee dat ons huwelik prentjie mooi gaan wees, kom ons wees eerlik jy hou nie altyd van die prentjie wat jy gekies het nie.
  • 5 Kommunikasie Geheime
    5 Geheime vir Effektiewe Kommunikasie. Ons hoop om deur hierdie vlog jou te help om meer effektief met jou lewensmaat te kommunikeer. Ons is druk besig om die podcast op die been te kry.
  • Woede en Konflik
    Getroud wees loop amper parallel met baklei. Dis tog verstaanbaar, twee word een, twee stelle ideas, gewoontes, en maniere moet ewe skielik hulle weg saam vind. Dit help nie dat mans en vrouens dag en nag verskil nie. Hoe nou gemaak?
  • Celebration Date Idea!
    Can you remember the first few months of your relationship? Those butterflies every time your phone beeped. The fact that you couldn’t wait to see your partner, sparks flying so high, you could probably light up New York City. We often ask ourselves how to get the spark back, or how do we keep theContinue reading “Celebration Date Idea!”

2 Week Challenge – Day 14

Responding to him.

You made it. Welcome to day 14, and CONGRATULATIONS. Let’s finish this challenge with a bang.

Do you know what your man desires more than anything? This may surprise you, but he wants to see you sexually fulfilled. He longs for you to respond to him. He want to know that he is the one that can take you to the moon and back with a crescendo of ecstasy he created.

Dr. Kevin Leman states, “There is not a man on this planet that does not want to know that he can make his woman go crazy in bed. Even more than your husband wants to have sex with you for his own sexual relief, the truth is, he wants to please you, even more than he wants to be please. It might seem like it is all about him but what he really wants, emotionally, is to see how much you enjoy the pleasure he can give you. If he fails to do that for any reason, he will end up feeling inadequate, lonely, and unfulfilled.

A husband is looking for fulfillment not accommodation. Simply put he is sexually fulfilled when his wife is fulfilled. If he knows she is not enjoying sex, but only accommodating him, he will not be fulfilled or satisfied. Sex may happen, he may finish what was begun, but he will have unfinished business in his heart. He will feel like a consumer and not a lover.

Great sex does not come naturally. It takes time, practice and maybe even a little study. There are several books with a christian perspective on sex, keep your eyes on our website, I will be discussing sex in more detail soon.

Romance is certainly about more than what happens in the bedroom, but in your husband’s book it is very important. I hope you have gleaned some great ideas to help you let your husband know just how much you adore, and appreciate him! I hope you have romanced his socks off!

As the challenge comes to a close, think about the ways you’ve seen a change in your marriage. Was it fun? I hope so.

2 Week Challenge – Day 14

  • Have romantic music playing when he gets home, or gets out of the shower.
  • Flirt with him at the dinner table, run your foot up his leg, or place your hand on his thigh.
  • Go back to the previous challenges and tackle one of the steamier ideas as the grand finale of your 2 week challenge! And remember, it doesn’t have to stop here.

Thank you Jesus for bringing me to the end of this challenge. Remind me father to stay intentional about my marriage, to show my husband that I appreciate and admire him. Lord, guide me to sexually fulfill my man and to make sex a priority in our marriage. Help me to love my husband despite his flaws. Your word says that love covers a multitude of sins. I pray this in Jesus name. AMEN.

2 Week Challenge – Day 1

I have learned that when a wife doesn’t feel cherished, she’s not as interested in having sex with her husband. When a husband doesn’t feel sexually satisfied he doesn’t feel showing affection to his wife. Okey. So we have a problem. Someone has to make the first move. THAT COULD BE YOU!

2 Week Romance Challenge

I’m ready to share with you the secrets of keeping the spark going, whether you have been married for 2 month or 10 years, this challenge will change the way you look at your husband and how he looks at you.

He calls me friend

I would like to spend the next few weeks on a series called Hearing Gods Voice. Touching on the fact that God actually speaks to us, why he speaks to us and how we can connect to Him.

2 Week Challenge – Day 13

Atmosphere of anticipation.

Girls, we spoke about this earlier in the challenge. Men can get from 1 to a 100 in 10seconds. Men are like a light switch, by the push a button the are turned on and ready to go. We gals don’t work that way. We are more like a dimmer switch. We start with just a hint of light and then the beam grows as the switch is adjusted. The ideal situations is for a man to kiss his wife in the morning, give her a call in the middle of the day, help load the dishwasher after supper, and then put the kids to bed. That’s a woman’s ideal idea of foreplay. To us woman, foreplay is a whole day affaire. However we can’t always count on that

Now what? Perhaps you can take steps to prepare yourself for a night of intimacy. Begin the day by thinking of an evening of passion and plan accordingly. Give him a call in the middle of the day, put a note in his car or briefcase that makes him want to rush home from the office (I have used a polaroid picture to get him rushing home). As mentioned, plan your intimacy ahead by scheduling it into your calendar.

You need to give your mind a jump start. Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, wrote that all things are created twice. First mentally and then physically.

Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

2 Week Challenge – Day 13

  • Buy some temporary tattoos and tattoo each other in a place only the two of you will see.
  • Serve up some chocolate-covered strawberries as a snack for two.
  • Leave a trail of cute notes all over the house with the last one on his pillow as a special invitation.
  • Put the pillows at the foot of the bed to mix it up a bit. You might be surprised what happens when you remove the routine and the expected.

Lord, help me to understand my husband sexually and to make sex a priority in our marriage. I pray this in Jesus name, AMEN.

2 Week Challenge – Day 12

Love on a silver platter.

Some would say that marriage is 50/50. I’ve always been puzzled by that. It’s impossible to determine if your spouse has met you halfway, because neither of you can agree on where ‘halfway’ is, each is left to scrutinize the other’s performance from his or her own jaded perspective.

The apostle Paul encourages: “Don’t just pretend to love other. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other”

Romance 12-9-10 NLT

When Jesus washed the disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17), it wasn’t simply an act of kindness. He was actually fulfilling a need the other people refused to meet. Afterward, He sat down and said, “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you” (John 13:14-15).

In Philippians 2:4, Paul tells us to look out for the interests of others, not just for our own: “Look out for” is from the Greek work skopos, from which we get the words telescope and microscope. It means to pay close attention. The wife of your man’s dreams, pays close attention to his desires, dreams, joys, and sorrows. She looks closely at his heart and thinks of ways to serve him.

Jesus served his disciples and proved to us that God’s kind of serving love flows from choice, not coercion; from strength, not weakness; from gladness, not guilt. Jesus said, “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be measured to you” (Luke 6:38). It may be entirely possible for you the serve your husband and not feel you are receiving anything in return. However, your heavenly Father is always watching, and the measure you use to bless your husband will be used by your heavenly Husband to bless you in return.

2 Week Challenge – Day 12

  • Ask your husband what you can do for him today.
  • Send him a YouTube link of the song that makes you think of him.
  • When you’re out running errands, pick something up for him. It could be as simple as his favorite chocolate.
  • Make love and make it all about him. Other than kissing, make your goal to “serve” him. Let him be completely on the receiving end.

Lord as I continue with day 12, help me to serve my husband. To be the helper you have designed me to be. Help me to give without expecting something in return, lead me as I pay close attention to his hopes, dream, fears and joy. Help me to see his heart. I pray this in Jesus name, AMEN.

The Journey Begins

Never doubt God’s mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for his miraculous power constantly energises you. Eph 3:20 TPT They always say its not about the destination, it’sContinue reading “The Journey Begins”

2 Week Challenge – Day 11

The art of remembering and forgetting.

What do you do when you’ve lost that loving’ feeling? Maybe you truly adored your husband in the beginning, but now you can’t remember why. Maybe you honestly admired his finer qualities, but now you can’t remember what they were. Maybe you appreciated his wonderful attributes, but now you take them for granted. What do you do now?

Here’s a statistic you might find interesting. According to the National Survey of Families and Households, 86% of unhappily married people who stick it out find that, five years later, their marriages are happier. In fact, 60% of those who rated their marriage as unhappy and who stayed rated their same marriage “very happy” when reinterviewed five years later.

Starting over may very well be the answer to your marriage problems – as long as it’s with the same man!

“I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love”

Revelation 2:4

Often along the way we lose that initial thrill of knowing Christ, the same happens with the love we have for our husbands. Our love can grow cold. Make a decision today to start over. We get so busy taking care of life, we forget to take care of love.

Maybe you have forgotten the thrill you felt when you first met your husband – the butterflies when he walked into a room, the heart-skipping flutter when he called on the phone, the tender wooing when you saw his name in your email in-box, the electricity of sexual desired stirred with a kiss. Between taking out the garbage, paying bills, driving the kids around, and folding the laundry, something got lost.

How do you get that feeling back? God gave the church two simple steps, and I believe we can apply them to marriage as well. “Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first” (Revelation 2:5)

  • Remembering how is was in the beginning.
  • Return and do the things you did at first.

Remember what drew you to your husband in the first place. Remember what made you laugh, what turned you on. Then try and find out what drew your hubby to you. What did you do back then that he is missing out on now.

C.S Lewis had this to say about forgiveness: “You must make every effort to kill every taste of resentment in your heart – every wish to humiliate or hurt him or to play him out. The difference between this situation and the one in which you are asking God’s forgiveness is this. In our own case accept excuses too easily; in other people’s we do not accept them easily enough. Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.”

C.S Lewis

While there may be hundreds of things we need to remember, there are also many thing we need to forget. It’s difficult to romance your man if you have anger, bitterness, and resentment in your heart.

Forgiveness can be especially difficult when the one who hurt you is the man who promised to love and cherish you all the days of your life. But what is more difficult is to have the marriage of your dreams, without forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean you are turning a blind eye, problems need to be addressed for any marriage to survive. However, keeping a record of wrongs is like allowing termites to destroy the foundation of the marriage.

The first step to forgiveness is prayer.

Stormie Martian wrote: “Prayer is a gentle tool of restoration appropriated through the prayer of a wife who longs to do right more than be right, and to give life more than to get even.” Prayer may not soften your husbands heart immediately but it will soften the resentment in your heart.

Stormie Martian

Paul wrote “One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” (Philippians 3:14). Forgiveness is making a commitment to look forward and leave the past behind. This requires a refusal to bring up the offense that has already been forgiven. Forgiveness has little to do with what was done to us, and much to do with what we chose to do with it.

Today, remember what you need to remember and forget what you need to forget.

2 Week Challenge – Day 11

  • Everyone loves a love story. At dinner tell your kids how the two of you met. Recall the day he asked you to marry him.
  • Recall a list of firsts: First date, first kiss, first dance, and first time you met each other’s parents. Ask your husband what he remembers most about your wedding day, and honeymoon.
  • Watch your wedding video, or go through some albums of vacations or memoriable moments.

Lord, remind me why I fell in love with my husband, help us to find that love again. Help me to see him the way You see him. Father show me if there are any areas that I still need to forgive my husband. Soften my heart and help me to forgive him daily. I pray this in Jesus name, AMEN.

2 Week Challenge – Day 10

Let him know you want him.

You’re on Day 10! Congratulations. I’m so excited for you.

Now let’s chat a little bit about a woman’s ‘wifely duty.” Oh man, how we hate that phrase, wifely duty. But you are called to be your husbands helper, and that is a fantastic task. (Gen 2:18, 21-22)

A woman who fulfills her “wifely duties” out of obligation does not produce a sexually fulfilled husband. If you are having sex because you feel like you have to, rather than making love because you want to, your husband can tell. Think of it this way. How would you feel if your husband came home from work on you anniversary, handed you you a dozen roses, and said, “I didn’t really want to get you these roses. Seems like a waste of money to me. But I read somewhere I’m supposed to do something like this because it’s our anniversary. Here – hope you enjoy them.” Would you enjoy such a presentation? I’d throw those babies right in the trash. And yet, that’s how many woman approach their marriage bed.

Husband’s dream of their wives initiating sex more often. “But what will he think of me?” you wonder. “Will he think I’m a sexed-crazed woman?” He might hope that’s what you are, but he won’t think that. He might be utterly confused at the sudden desire, but one message will come across loud and clear. “She wants me! She wants me!” You know what he’ll feel? He’ll feel like his dreams have come true.

What a husband really wants is for his wife to be as excited and enthusiastic about making love as he is. Your husband’s sexuality is so much a part of who he is that is affects virtually every part of his life.

Author Sheila Wray Gregoire reminds us: It’s hard for you husband to believe you are proud of him, and you’re happy to be married to him, if you don’t also want him sexually – if you never initiate sex. It’s men’s ultimate self-esteem issue. And the best way to address it is if we, every now and then, actually initiate.

Sheila Wray Gregoire

I’m not suggesting that a man wants his wife to initiate sex all the time. That isn’t the natural order of things. God created man to be the aggressor and woman to be the recipient. Even our bodies are crafted for such. Men are hunters and women are gatherers. But I can promise you every man likes to feel hunted and captured by the woman of his dreams.

2 Week Challenge – Day 10

  • Make his favorite dessert and eat dinner by candlelight.
  • Post “I love being your wife” on his facebook
  • Do something fun and unexpected together such as laser tag, horseback riding, go karting, zip lining or go to a shooting range. A picnic, comedy performance, or a ballroom class are all fun ideas.
  • Create a romantic setting in a room other than your bedroom. Surprise your husband by leading him into the room for a special rendezvous with you.

Lord, help me to let my husband know that I want him. Help me to initiate sexual intimacy more often, and help me to show him that I want him. Teach me how to make him feel adored and good enough. Lord I know at times I have entered my marriage bed out of duty, forgive me and help me to see it as a privilege. Change me Lord, so that I can become a better spouse to my husband. I pray this in Jesus name, AMEN.